People seldom believe me when I say I used to have tons of Anger, but it is true - so real that it entirely obscured few of the other interesting things going on in my head ...
As Anger spent less and less time living with me it turned out to be clear that I had another unwelcome flatmate, far less clear but equally draining of my resources: Fear. Now, when I was angry people noticed, but as I've always had a more positive can-do attitude than the general average, my Fear is not one thing that I got(/get?) feedback on. A pity - it might have been convenient to know.
So what exactly is Fear? How does it surface? It's surely a topic that has attracted a lot of attention in the world of self-development, and pretty rightly so.
Now few of you may be saying, oh yes, but what about the great popular quote "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway"? As I have written in a different place, I see this (fairly ...) empowering statement as second best. And second best is exactly what you get if you do not target the best.
Best is to understand that you could leave behind Fear, and that suggests to know what it is, and how it works. Fear is the perception that something "dreadful" will, or (more commonly) might, ensue. And that this is a problem.
At times this kind of fear is about something pretty likely - if your boss likes shouting at people and you have clearly stuffed up, what you fear is a clear likelihood! Many other fears definitely concern stuff in the "better not go outside today - a satellite could land on my head" kind. My recommendation is not to chip hopefully away at Fear of Satellite-Induced Head Injury Syndrome, but to jump in at the deep end. Yes it is perhaps likely to occur, yes it will be a great deal of unFun, but yes, I have all the resources I need to come through in one piece, maybe stronger and happier for it!
I frequently visit India. Few people fear India, believing that it is a filthy dirty place full of poor people and beggars, a place where you'll wait for hours (or days) for late trains, be given incorrect directions, become infected with numerous diseases, slide on cow dung, and not be able to get a decent latte. And when people ask me what India is like, I usually tell them precisely that (it's true, in fact ...) but with a very big smile that says "and that's not anything to be anxious about, but can be lots of fun to embrace". And then I normally say "You should go - it is splendid!" Which it really really is. Not only because of the bits I did not mention (architecture food scenery traditions people ...) but for the reason that I know I have the resources essential to cope with the less fun things, and as I consider one of the greatest favours I can do someone is to motivate them to discover that they do too.
Do it anyway, certainly. But scrap the Fear.
As Anger spent less and less time living with me it turned out to be clear that I had another unwelcome flatmate, far less clear but equally draining of my resources: Fear. Now, when I was angry people noticed, but as I've always had a more positive can-do attitude than the general average, my Fear is not one thing that I got(/get?) feedback on. A pity - it might have been convenient to know.
So what exactly is Fear? How does it surface? It's surely a topic that has attracted a lot of attention in the world of self-development, and pretty rightly so.
Now few of you may be saying, oh yes, but what about the great popular quote "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway"? As I have written in a different place, I see this (fairly ...) empowering statement as second best. And second best is exactly what you get if you do not target the best.
Best is to understand that you could leave behind Fear, and that suggests to know what it is, and how it works. Fear is the perception that something "dreadful" will, or (more commonly) might, ensue. And that this is a problem.
At times this kind of fear is about something pretty likely - if your boss likes shouting at people and you have clearly stuffed up, what you fear is a clear likelihood! Many other fears definitely concern stuff in the "better not go outside today - a satellite could land on my head" kind. My recommendation is not to chip hopefully away at Fear of Satellite-Induced Head Injury Syndrome, but to jump in at the deep end. Yes it is perhaps likely to occur, yes it will be a great deal of unFun, but yes, I have all the resources I need to come through in one piece, maybe stronger and happier for it!
I frequently visit India. Few people fear India, believing that it is a filthy dirty place full of poor people and beggars, a place where you'll wait for hours (or days) for late trains, be given incorrect directions, become infected with numerous diseases, slide on cow dung, and not be able to get a decent latte. And when people ask me what India is like, I usually tell them precisely that (it's true, in fact ...) but with a very big smile that says "and that's not anything to be anxious about, but can be lots of fun to embrace". And then I normally say "You should go - it is splendid!" Which it really really is. Not only because of the bits I did not mention (architecture food scenery traditions people ...) but for the reason that I know I have the resources essential to cope with the less fun things, and as I consider one of the greatest favours I can do someone is to motivate them to discover that they do too.
Do it anyway, certainly. But scrap the Fear.
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Live the difference Life Coaching is based in Melbourne which offers transformational one-on-one coaching both face-to-face and on the phone. People come from all walks of life and live in and around Melbourne, interstate and overseas. Visit http://livethedifference.com.au for more information on Life Coach
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